My Bloody Valentine 3D

I was really excited for a second when I first heard of this film. Last year's "U2 3D" was really incredible, and that live music setting really showed off what 3D was capable of being. It also happens that I really like shoegazer music. So why not a 3D concert movie from My Bloody Valentine, other than all of the really good reasons why there shouldn't be one, I thought.

Of course, all of those really good reasons why there shouldn't be a My Bloody Valentine 3D concert movie were too convincing for movie execs, and so instead they green lit a 3D remake of the old Canadian slasher movie from which the band took their name. Boring.


Except for not really. Modern 3D technology is actually really cool, especially when movies aren't just converted after the fact but actually filmed in 3D. Imagine pick-axes and knives and stuff coming at you realistically. Attractive young females being punished for their sexuality bouncing out of their two-dimensional prison. How could you not find that interesting? Plus, according to the commercial, it's a really good date movie. Sounds like a win-win to me.

For Your Consideration - "Gran Torino"

Over the past few weeks, there have been many movies released to great pomp and circumstance by the powers that be in film. As it happens, however, every one of them was a limited release. Luckily for us, that means nobody has seen them. Over the next few weeks, we present the following reviews for your consideration of movies that have been submitted "For Your Consideration."

Even God himself probably has little notion of how excited I am at this very moment. I am a button push away from watching Clint Eastwood's latest. My brain is on the verge of orgasming sloppily all over my apartment. Clint Eastwood directs himself as a character who resembles the man we all expect Clint Eastwood to be: a grumpy old man who isn't about to take shit from anybody, let alone some gang members. What more could I ask from the man? "Changeling 2?"

But let's be serious. I don't care who you are, you should probably want to see this movie. Men, with no questions asked, you should want to see this movie. Only girls would maybe say "No, I don't think that interests me much." And for them, you can drag out the touching storyline of an old man befriending his immigrant neighbor through their efforts to restore and old muscle car. That's right: a manly Clint Eastwood movie that even chicks can like. None of that "Bridges of Madison County" crap, here.

Do I really need to keep myself waiting any longer just to tell you how perfect this movie is? Or, at least on paper? This is like my own personal "Snakes on a Plane." The rest of the world waited for Samuel L. to curse at some CGI cobras. I'm waiting for Eastwood in pants up to his belly button growling "Get off my lawn!"