No Strings Attached

For all the kudos people give The Social Network for it being timely and the purported movie of our generation, I think the premise behind a movie like No Strings Attached probably had a shot at representing the real nitty gritty -- that is, the somewhat outrageous mating/dating habits we've developed when we get together in the flesh with all the pheromones, hormones and the booze going on... Alas, in the trailer it looks like we're in for the easy way out -- a slick and tidy rom-com.

My gut tells me this is a case of a movie where the stars are simply too big and therefore it ruins the entire thing. Sometimes new faces are just needed to endear me to a plot. I personally really do have trouble seeing Ashton Kutcher as anyone besides that dude he plays on That 70s Show (probably due to the fact that he looks roughly exactly the same) and well, in real life it's just too distracting knowing he's getting down with Demi Moore, the queen cougar who is certainly not Natalie Portman. Even in the trailer, a sweet, goofy Natalie Portman just seems off. I suppose I'm still getting over her whole getting-impregnated-by-not-me thing, but even more so I'm having trouble shaking her off as a complete psycho-in-waiting -- can you blame me considering I'm fresh off a viewing of Black Swan? Her fault for being too convincing, I say. Perhaps this is more my problem, an inability to separate reality from fantasy but then again it's not like the movie's completely rooted in reality itself, for how often is your long lost bestie a smoking hot Natalie Portman who is cool as heck? Don't quite see that caliber of female popping up all over...

My prediction is that they end up together in the end as most physically attractive people do, simply because that would give purpose to all the humpy-humpy action that occurs prior, a reason for all the madness. It will be adorable in that aw-it's-so-screwed-up-but-somehow-it-works-for-us-and-makes-us-a-unique-couple way but if it were real life that just makes them Ronnie and Sammi from Jersey Shore -- a couple borne in a kind of entertaining situation but ultimately destined for dysfunction.

Likewise, Portman could potentially pawn off a suddenly emotionally attached Kutcher ('cause who can possibly resist a cool hot chick who you have fun getting coitus on with?) onto one of her numerous roommates that appear in the trailer, of which there appears to be roughly a dozen whom constitute some sort of melting pot Brady Bunch (in which case I look forward to an interracial love story featuring Mindy Kaling who is a comedic goddess).

Let's just say Portman should've waited post-Oscars with Best Actress award firmly in hand before letting this movie see the light of day.