Australia

Hugh Jackman and his wild beast... Nicole Kidman.

I could start this review with "G'Day" but that'd be so ridiculously cliché.

Oh wait, this entire movie is a giant cliché, so let's go ahead and fire it up with a hearty G'DAY MATE. Get ready, for The Greatest Love Story of Our Time (That Coincidentally Occurs In a Completely Different Time) has arrived. Never before have we witnessed a hot, steamy, passionate vegemite-fueled romance of this caliber. This Outback Steakhouse (damn their pseudo-Aussieness) produced picture takes us to the Land Down Under where Hugh Jackman and Nicole Kidman search for the mythical Bloomin' Onion.

Hugh Jackman basically plays himself - a wild Australian bush man who's quick to shout "Crikey!" when critters and Aboriginals be actin' all foolish. (It should be noted that Steve Irwin was originally pegged for this Crikey-heavy role, having mastered Crikey like no other.) Nicole Kidman plays a frigid bitch of a Brit, which is a far stretch for her (please note that the preceding comment was in regards to her acting rather than her infamously inelastic forehead). As for the rest of the cast, the platypuses play platypuses very convincingly, as do the kangaroos (who play kangaroos) and the koalas (who play koalas). Let's not forget the wombats and kookaburras, who are not quite as successful but are (for the most part) very capable.

In short, Australia is basically the silver screen equivalent of Foster's beer in its "let's-internationally-capitalize-off-being-Australian-produced-even-though-our-own-countrymen-don't-really-like-us"-ness. I mean, the movie's basically a rip-off of Pearl Harbor, except Kate Beckinsale>Nicole Kidman. Having said that, the top-notch boomerang warfare kicks this puppy up. That and a bangin' didgeridoo score - hollaaaaaa.

At the end of the day, it all comes down to Hugh. He's just so ridiculously sexy - so much so that I'd go as far as say he is the sexiest male specimen alive on this planet at this time and I will stand by that assessment for one calendar year. Hey! Whaddya know? People magazine got with the program. Check out the studmuffin radar on me!