RocknRolla

I don't understand how this movie can just be titled RocknRolla. I feel like it needs to at least be ROCKNROLLA!!!! or ROCKNROLLAAAAAA. Only CAPS LOCK and multiple exclamation points can convey how hardcore it is. Perhaps a combination of the two: ROCKNROLLAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Anyways, RocknRolla is Guy Ritchie's coming-out-from-the-iron-grip-of-Madonna's-hooha flick (welcome back Guy!). Set in London's shady criminal underworld, RocknRolla is all about "sex, thugs, and rock n roll."

That's right: Thugs, not drugs. Why no drugs you ask? Because, my dear aspiring hoodrat, the hot new black market good is REAL ESTATE, not drugs. As in, this movie is basically propelled by a very lucrative real estate deal. Somehow this real estate business also involves a mysteriously vanished rockstar and a stolen painting and this clusterf*ck of a situation eventually results in skirmishes between various warring gangs...

Don't you love convoluted plots? Convoluted = Better. Bonus sexy points because real estate is involved. Lex Luthor and Donald Trump are getting all hot and bothered.

Smokin' Aces, uh, I mean, RocknRolla, features Gerard Butler* (sans 300 Spartans) as a modern day lone-wolf badass named One Two... Because a name based on numbers is EXTREMELY INTIMIDATING in this day and age (mostly due to our failing educational system). Then there's a bunch of other guys in this ensemble cast, notably Thandie Newton (a corrupt "accountant" for the sole purpose of rehashing that math is scary and evil), Jeremy Piven, and Chris "Ludacris" Bridges. Remarkably, everybody in this movie (that's set in London) has an English accent... Except for Ludacris. But that's only because they cast him as an American who is trying to break into the music industry, obviously a far cry from his real life. So yeah there's those guys and a laundry list of every conceivable underworld archetype.

Can you tell I'm bored? What can I say, RocknRolla just fails to "RocknRolla" me. Having said that, I strongly encourage you to see it (despite my trashing this crap movie) in order to support Guy Ritchie during this difficult time. Team Guy!

*Gerard, you're better than this. I mean, P.S. I Love You was a masterpiece man.