Saw V

Let me get this out in the clear: I'm biased against horror flicks. I don't see a lot of them because I'm fragile and delicate and don't want to see people getting sliced up and gashed up by loonies. What can I say? Blood makes me antsy. Why expose yourself unnecessarily, even if it's the fake stuff? I'll pass, thank you.

But really, I think most horror films are abysmal. There's plot holes galore, horribly clichéd gloom-and-doom suspense music, and scantily clad girls who are only on screen for 5 seconds before they scream rather obnoxiously and are removed from the film in a grotesque manner. What a buzzkill.

Enter Saw V, which succeeds in encompassing all these things that I despise. Absolute garbage.

Seriously, eff Saw V. I didn't see the first four, and I'm sure as hell not about to start now. And WTF is up with there being a FIFTH installment? That's just a sorry excuse for a villain if he can't get his shit locked down in four feature length films. Don't give me that BS about it being a different incarnation of the killer, or that there are loose ends to be tied up... I mean, how the hell are there still loose ends the FIFTH TIME AROUND? The nerve of some people, really.

Get over it bro, hang up your chainsaw, or whatever the fuck "Saw" refers to and get a regular day job because you're obviously not "cut out" for the serial killing business. Hee hee.

Still, if my words of persuasion fail to dissuade you, Saw V opens October 24th.

Again, I strongly encourage you to stay home and clip your toenails. Now that's some straight up horror shit for you.